Does the Mentorship Style Really Matter?

'Most students are lazy'. This is a statement often said by teachers and mentors who have in most cases tried their best to impact the lives of their mentees to no avail. They are the words of a tired mentor who feels he/she has given himself/herself to helping a mentee, they are the words of a mentor who is tired of the recurring excuses of a mentee, words of a mentor who sometimes has given up on the mentee. A mentor - Mentee relationship can sometimes be frustrating for one or both parties when pre-conceived expectations are not met. It is, therefore, necessary for both parties to manage their expectations within reason to avoid disappointments. 

Someone shared a personal story with me recently and that informed this blog post. There was a boy who had been struggling to get admission into a University abroad to study for a Ph.D. He was the last born of 5 children and he had older siblings who had towed the path he was about to thread; naturally, they became his mentors for the purpose.  Big sister had the experience and believed she was in the best position to help him out. She had a clearly laid out plan for the achievement of the goal so, she always told him exactly what to do. She called frequently to follow up on his progress and always encouraged him to work harder. She soon noticed that she appeared to be doing all of the work while little brother waited for every direction from her. After a couple of weeks when big sister realised that there was almost no progress, she got upset, referred to him as lazy and sort of gave up on him.

Big brother then decided to take it upon himself to help out his little brother. Big brother's approach was quite different from big sister's as big brother always came down to the boy's level to try to see things from his perspective. He would ask 'so what are your intentions and how would you like to achieve your goals'. This method made the boy begin to think for himself and then talk more about his ideas and how he thought he could achieve his goals. Big brother usually will applaud his line of thought and then share his own thoughts with him. Amidst intellectual banter, they both came up with  good ideas. The same rule was applied to the boy's writing. For example, if he wrote a proposal, big brother reads the proposal and tells him 'oh I understand what you are trying to say here', 'Wow this point is amazing, I love that you added it' etc. Big brother affirms his work and thereafter tells him 'now I'm going to read this from the eye of a potential supervisor', 'this point is not quite clear', 'this part will be probably misinterpreted' etc. So for the boy, he felt like he had more control and personal input with big brother's style of mentorship. The boy later got in for his desired program and was thankful to his big brother for not giving up on him.

This article is not to disparage big sister's effort, but to point out that people are different. As a teacher/mentor/leader/supervisor, it is necessary to note that people might require different styles of leadership to bring out the best in them.

So the argument is this - are mentees really lazy or is it that different mentees require different approaches? Let me know what you think. 

Photo credit: studyandgoabroad.com