Domestic Violence and the Next Generation

                                      Ronke and husband before her untimely death
Post by Dinah Ekundayo

It's saddening to wake up to yet another domestic violence issue and sadly this took a life.It is not enough to share or cry out it is a fundamental issue that has to be dealt with from the root.I have always been passionate about issues like this. 

I have a strong aversion for the disparities in raising a girl child and a male child, especially in Nigeria. It creeps into our senses unconsciously that the male child is superior to the female.The other day my 19month old extremely energetic daughter played rough and I corrected her saying 'J you are a girl oo don't do that'. Her Dad reprimanded me sharply and asked me to never say stuff like that to her again. I couldn't believe I said that myself but I heard that most of my life from my dear mama. I realised that's how it starts - it creeps in subtly.As a woman with a daughter, I am extremely concerned about the quality of training male children are getting as it's not enough to mass produce them into this world. 

Dear parents, how are you raising your sons? Are you teaching them to believe their sisters are subject to them? Are you teaching them to believe they can get away with not doing domestic chores? Throwing a fit whenever? Hanging out with friends and foes at will? Behaving in certain ways cos they are #Boystomen? Are you raising them to believe that it's okay to hit a woman when provoked? Beat her to submission? That all men cheat? That it's the woman's place to keep a home so he can do as he wills? 

Are you teaching your daughter to believe that marriage is an achievement? That it validates her? That she must be under a man to be seen as a responsible being to the society? That it's okay for her to condone cheating or abuse of any form? Are you raising by her ripping her completely of her self-esteem? Are you indoctrinating her into believing that it's okay to be the economic power that keeps her home so her dear hubby can be encouraged to lazy around? Are you pressuring her into marriage at all cost? Do you dig deep into her relationships? When she finally brings him home to meet the parents how long do you take to prayerfully examine the quality and depth of the young man you are giving your jewel to? 

Dear clergymen, Can we take a break from the sermons on prosperity and tithes and talk about the home front? Can we father the fathers? Can we educate our women that it's not their fault if they are being hit and it's not okay to stay in an abusive marriage? Can we sincerely and honestly clear the air on separation and divorce? 

Dear Society, Can we stop already with the stigmatisation of women who walk away? Can we stop aiding and abetting abusers who need help by encouraging our sisters, friends etc to stay on? 'Where will you go?Do you know what people will think of you? Manage, after all, he provides for you and apologises or buys you gifts to apologise' they say. People are dying in leaps and they won't stop until we stop. If and when your dear son brings home a girl from a separated home can you take the scales off your eyes for a minute and try hard to love her before you judge her? Her mum didn't stay they say so she won't stay. A lot of women are staying for this reason and it's leading most to their graves.

I am talking to you,  the women leader in the church, you usher, you choir leader and church members.  I am talking to us all. Enough of the wastage of lives.

‪#‎Saynotodomesticviolence‬!!!!RIP Ronke