Pregnancy shaming or just our imagination?
About a month ago, I met this beautiful lady at a mutual friend's party. In an atmosphere of good food, drinks and lots of laughter, we started chatting about her experience being pregnant in grad school. She told me she had a very stress free and uneventful pregnancy. So you can imagine my shock when she said in the same breath 'but I had to take one year off school as soon as I fell pregnant'.
In my usual inquisitive attitude, I probed further. She explained that she wasn't just prepared for her supervisor to see her pregnant. She was studying Engineering and she didn't want to be seen or treated as the 'pregnant woman' in a male-dominated environment. Even though she was married and had a supportive husband, she felt like the school was silently not a supportive environment for her pregnancy. She felt like her choice to have a child might brand her as 'unserious' and 'distracted'. She preferred to take up a job during that period rather than endure the stare at her protruding stomach. In all fairness to her supervisor, he knew nothing about how she felt.
So I began to think about our conversation when I got home and I came up with even more questions than answers. Does this mean that the workplace is friendlier to pregnant women than the academic environment? Was this a self-engineered 'shame' or was it imposed by others? Why should any woman be criticized for choosing to have a child when she is ready? Is the academic environment really unfriendly towards mothers? This was a strong, beautiful and intelligent woman who went back to finish up her Master's degree after the birth of her lovely son and she's currently doing exploits in the industry. But I wonder, what about women who didn't have the courage to go back? what about women who have somewhat lost the steam just because they felt the same way- the bias of the academic environment against young mothers.
Have you experienced any type of ‘special’ treatment while pregnant in school? Is it valid to worry about what your supervisor or colleagues might think? Or do you think women need to inform their supervisors of their plans prior to starting a family? Are you of the opinion that women should wait until after Masters and maybe Ph.D. degrees to have kids? Please share your thoughts and experiences.
Have you experienced any type of ‘special’ treatment while pregnant in school? Is it valid to worry about what your supervisor or colleagues might think? Or do you think women need to inform their supervisors of their plans prior to starting a family? Are you of the opinion that women should wait until after Masters and maybe Ph.D. degrees to have kids? Please share your thoughts and experiences.
Thanks to my friend who permitted me to share her story
Do women really feel this way? while I can't wait to be pregnant to show off my round belly
ReplyDelete@ Anonymous, Yes women in school do feel this way and I can definitely relate to this story.
DeleteSending baby dust to you. Good luck
I felt very shy telling my supervisor that I was pregnant. I just had this weird feeling of "oh she has done it". I didn't even know if I felt my bump should not come out. I was extremely shy. But as the bump progressed, I became more comfortable because my supervisors never tried to make me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I actually felt the Nigerian thing in me was making me shy cos there was really no need to be.
ReplyDeleteI felt very shy telling my supervisor that I was pregnant. I just had this weird feeling of "oh she has done it". I didn't even know if I felt my bump should not come out. I was extremely shy. But as the bump progressed, I became more comfortable because my supervisors never tried to make me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I actually felt the Nigerian thing in me was making me shy cos there was really no need to be.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kachy for sharing your experience. I'm just wondering at what point did you inform your supervisor? and what was his or her response.
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